2010 was a year filled with up's and downs. I lost my Grandpa in June and my friend Annie lost her son Jack in December. It gave me a serious gut check, it made me think about Heaven in a way I've never done before. Annie had read this book, Heaven is for Real and so I picked it up one night on my Kindle. It was a turning point for me - I won't ruin it for those of you who have not yet had the chance to read it (which by the way go out and buy it ASAP) but it makes me feel good about where my Grandpa is today.
I recall many a times pouring over the many photo albums at my Grandma and Grandpa's house - always one of our favorite things to do. I remember Tracy always commenting about how handsome Grandpa was in his Navy Uniform and oh how it brings a smile to my face to think of my Grandpa in heaven where he is seeing all the colors of the rainbow, without pain and probably looking as young and dapper as he did in those pictures.
I miss him. I miss the rough touch of his hard working hands. I miss the smell of his after shave. I miss the buzz of his hearing aids. I miss watching him pour his OJ on his morning cereal. I miss so many things. But of all the things I miss - they are just selfish - he is in a great place, a place I will work hard and dream to be one day.
Here is the poem I read on the day of his funeral - a good reminder:
Death is Nothing at All by Henry Scott Holland
Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away to the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other,
That, we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way
which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me. Pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effect.
Without the trace of a shadow on it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same that it ever was.
There is absolute unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you.
For an interval.
Somewhere. Very near.
Just around the corner.
All is well.
This is the photo on my desktop everytime I open it - a moment of pure happiness and bliss. Oh and can I end this with a little laugh - I'll never forget when I called to tell my Grandparents I was pregnant - my Grandpa answered the phone - I told him the news and he said "oh my, you better talk to your Grandma" - hahaha! Just kind of makes me laugh thinking about it.
Missing you today and everyday. Keep showing me signs you are with me Gramps!